I think im going to throw up on grandma
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
