His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
