this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
