My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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