I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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