My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
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Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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