my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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