Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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