Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize