Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
