y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
