i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
