At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
