Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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