Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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