Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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