Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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