Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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