She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it glows. i had to have it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
