I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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