Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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