i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
