Only a mothe r could love this liver
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
her facebook's as public as her vagina
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
