the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
