You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
