Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
