She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
