it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
