i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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