another moral hangover. fuck.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I love you. Go after that dick
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
