He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
