i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
