I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
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Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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