a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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