I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
