How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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