hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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