Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
