Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
