My liver just broke up with me...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
