I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After last night, I could never be a politician.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
