i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
