Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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