well you can't waste a boner
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
