Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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