I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
