glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
