why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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