Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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