There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
