Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
