I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
