I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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