Pappa wants mamma naked
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
