hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
