nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
