FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
tell me about the fingering
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
