I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
