I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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