Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
