It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
