Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
