Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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