i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
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He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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