The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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