I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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