Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
