Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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