# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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