She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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