either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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